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Anger Management & Divorce Mediation (Part 1 of 2)

June 23, 2011

We all get angry at some point. In general, it is healthy to express one’s anger in appropriate ways. Holding it in often leads to physical ailments and depression. The positive aspects of anger are that it can enable us to realize and address a problem, rectify a hurt, or take some other action. However, excessive anger and inappropriate actions from it are problematic to you personally and to those around you. We know from medical studies that excessive anger can lead to high blood pressure and increased heart rate. When triggered often, anger increases the release of stress hormones that are harmful to us. Internalizing anger can also lead to the additional ailments of depression and high anxiety.

During a divorce, there is likely to be a great deal of hurt and arguing between you and your spouse. Anger is a frequent experience. When someone is emotionally wounded, they often lash out at the person who they perceive committed a wrong against them. When in an angered state our raw emotions are so near the surface that we may yell at those close to us, while not addressing the cause of our anger. It is important to manage your anger for your own well being, as well as for the well being of your children. Think about how scary it is to witness somebody whose anger leads to them to become out of control. Imagine how a child feels when he or she witnesses a parent whose anger is excessive and destructive. The child views the parent as a caregiver, and a role model. A child witnessing a parent’s angry outburst is terribly frightening to the child and cause him or her to have long term damage to their emotional health.
(Source: 2009 Montclair Divorce Mediation)

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